Really Weird Weather. Naturally.

Yesterday Moses had a full day and good appetite but also a fairly constant struggle breathing and walking and an accident or two. Today, Moses has slept, all day so far. He stirred once or twice a few hours apart and each time I lay down beside him and said "hi puppy," and he noticed me and settled back to sleep.

This morning about 11 I decided just not to wake him, and instead Left The House for a few hours. It had been raining and even maybe snowing for a bit, but by the time I left the sun was out. I stopped for some coffee, then groceries. I stopped into one of my favorite little Renweg shops and had the best chat with the girl who works there. I think neither of us can remember the other's name, but it doesn't matter, and we have made friends over the last two years...talking about dogs and boys and mothers-in-law and ex mothers-in-law. She understood just where I was coming from with Moses and the end stages of his days on the planet, and the bond and pain involved. I talked about all the reading and research I had been doing about vets' and pet lovers' and budddhists' views about euthanasia. I told her I just wanted to focus on staying calm and without fear or anger or confusion, and that I knew I really needed to loosen my grip so that maybe he could loosen his. It felt great to talk to someone about it. Then I had some lunch! I wandered aimlessly for almost an hour! Walking around downtown I would round a corner and suddenly be inside a little city-block sized storm, with wind and slushy sleet falling out of the sky...and then walk another little bit and come out of the shadow and into..low and behold!...the sun!

When I got home at 3 he was still out and it was a good time to give our other pup some attention. And then housework. I feel more relaxed and un-foggy than I have felt in weeks.