Unstuck.

Do you ever have that experience where there is a thing or a place or a someone or a situation that is on your mind all the time, in the background of your life, behind the static of day-to-day thoughts....but it is a thing that your don't really know what to do about, so you just sit on your hands and try to let it exist there without feeling obsessive, although by definition that is probably what your are about it? I do. I have been. In the past there may have be wailing and gnashing of teeth due to this nagging focus, this insistent attraction...and the not knowing, followed by a 4am wine fueled feeling-exploration exercise and decision making process, followed by a furious and manic taking-of-action. Now I have learned it is much better for me to try to observe myself for a while and what I am thinking...feeling...and to let time pass. This does not produce the sort of gorgeous luscious flow as when I have been passionately positively devil-may-care decisive about what to do and bull-dozering a new thing into being. Staying calm, waiting and listening..it can be a ratchet-y cog wheel way of being...but I have learned it is a bit better for me now. The flow comes along eventually in less blatant ways, without my having personally built it all and pushed it out into the world. If I can keep my eyes open all the while listening to that inner buzz, by the time it is free to become an outer buzz there may already be a home for it in the real corporal world.